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It's been one hell of a week  
10:24pm 18/11/2012
It has been one hell of a week My stress level is high my fiance's stress level is high I worry so much about him and about all the bullshit he goes through i worry about all my bullshit and our combined shit But most of all i worry that this jackass wont ever leave me the fuck alone we will see tomorrow the cops are supposed to come by and talk to me cuz the PI was a douche and didn't want to do his job,I hope this week is better for both of US if we can just get to wednesday night and him be here safe with me I will feel a hell of a lot better,I am still kicking myself in the ass for what i said to my baby last night I promised those words would never come out of my mouth and I have been extra worried extra sleepy today,All in all today has been an okay day cept my stress level,But I know things will get better With god by our side and I'm hoping Adam gets here sooner then later because I need him here with me I adore him i really do He is a sweetheart and I know he'd do anything for me just like I'd do anything for him. That's why I worry about him so much I need him and US to be okay because I want us to workout and I want Us to go far and I believe we will,Can't wait to marry this man He is freaking amazing,Got to get past all this bullshit to get the most wonderful man in my life here for good and marry him and I don't care what it takes he is mine and I am not giving up I am so in love with him he is part of me we are one NOW and if we broke up A huge part of me would just DIE! And i Deserve to be happy so does he and We are happy together,I so can't wait to set a date for our wedding and a venue I know it sounds crazy but i am so freaking ready for this.I never in my life thought I'd be more ready to be a wife,mother and the best women in the world but I am ANYTHING FOR ADAM!!! I do mean anything I enjoy every minute,second,hour,day Spent with him talking to him,texting him,facebooking him,tweeting him All of that means so much to me and holding him means so much to me to be able to actually touch and kiss and smell him and be close to him is the most priceless thing to me. I just hope he never gives up on me because I do and say stupid shit sometimes and I am struggling with my issues and I hope that we can work past it all i am willing to work past all of his issues and I'm pretty sure he's willing to work past mine and help me with anything i need help with just like i am more then willing to help him with anything and everything. I love my adam and anything happened to US or HIM I'd just die god keep us and him safe always always I adore him and he is the soul-mate you chose for me and I couldn't be happier. I love you baby boy Adam Robert Arasmith and Sara Marie Aarsmith Forever!!!!! I Love the sound of that ahhhh!!!
mood: calmcalm
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Difficult time Coping  
08:07pm 13/11/2012
No wonder i worry you talk about her all the fucking time yes you want your son back,However it annoys me that you talk about her just as much as it annoys me that i talk about ass face,I guess the most difficult thing i am dealing with other then the bs with my ex is his ex and what's in my mind he is way to trusting and I don't like that hes friends with her ppl and that his ppl friends with her but im just the girlfriend and that's all i will EVER be just the girlfriend. I hate feeling this way but I am super scared of getting hurt and Know how else to express it,Unfortunatly my stomach is acting up and bullshit at work is not making things better on a happier note my cousin will be getting out of the hospital tomorrow which really makes me happy because i was super afraid i was gonna loose her and along with everything else right now idk if i can handle much more,I need adam here i need reassurance just like he does I need him here with me more then anything I know he misses and wants his son back but at times it makes me feel like he misses and wants her back as well,I know life isn't supposed to be all fun and games but geez why does all this shit have to happen at once? I just don't get it all i know is if i ever did loose him to her or anyone else then I'd be super hurt and wounded more then i am now for life. Maybe his brother is right maybe I'm a rebound to get over her? Idk Maybe i just still don't think highly of myself like i should,I trust him i do and i believe he loves me but weirder things have happened just like with my father and him going back to his ex after being with my mother again YES THIS SHIT IS ON MY MIND!!!!!!!!!! I try to let things happen the way they are supposed to but I feel if i make them better maybe he will stay with me and I know that's not right idk i just get super worried I worry so much about loosing him and loosing myself in all honesty. I feel like I need to do more for him and try harder i don't like that our relationship is long distance it makes all my fears and everything else so much harder for me to deal with however i do not want to give up And i wont give up in all HONESTY i am waiting for him to give up on me and I think he will everyone else does why should he be any different ya know? Maybe I worry to much maybe i over analyze things but I can't help it my head spins to damn much and it's all from my ex and every other fucking idiot hurting me including my father,Maybe i do need to go to those ALIVE MEETINGS,Adam makes me super happy I just need to know when to fully let go but I don't think i can until he is actually here with me because i still have small doubts in the back of my mind and i wish they'd go away They have gotten better but they are still there,Like why me of all people ya know and why after you were in a long-term relationship and all the sudden you fell for me Idk i guess I am not him and don't understand i just wish he could make me understand he says im amazing i don't feel amazing i really don't i feel like im up against her and she is winning after all she gave birth to his son something idk if i can even do for him i would love to be that girl his everything always and forever but idk if it'll work out that way just going to have to be patient and wait and see and I am not a very patient person I WANT HIM NOW LOL. I know he will probably read this but I just had to get some feelings out and I haven't talked to anyone else about this I just feel defeated sometimes,I think I am letting the devil take over my thoughts and I need to get all this negativity out of my head and mind and body completely and I know he Just wants me to fully trust him and I do but i keep thinking of all these what if scenios and it DRIVES ME UP A WALL. Anyway I will just pray pray pray hard on everything. I do want him to have his son back and us to live happily ever after i would do anything for him I am so in love with him.
mood: worriedworried
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Exes Oh How I hate thee  
12:54am 13/11/2012
I deleted shit of my love's ex tonight it hurt me to read stuff about him and her because i still have a fear of him going back to her,Then my dumbass looked at her page and seen her rings he bought her that he got engraved with there names on it,I just don't know if I am ever going to be up to standard of her,I worry so much that he's gonna leave Me for Her I know he told me not to worry but I still do I guess once he is finally moved here I will feel 100% better,I also don't understand why some of his family members are still friends with her Idk maybe I  look to much into stuff and think to much into stuff I love him So much and Can't ever loose him i want to be his WIFE. I just hope no one takes that Away from me God i love him I would do anything for him I want to have his child I want to give him everything he never had I just worry Cuz of there damn History  I wish i could get this shit and other shit that's Going on in my life out of my FUCKING HEAD!!!! Anyway I feel a lil better now that i Wrote about it,I didn't want to wake my love he is asleep and needs his rest for WORK! 8 more days and I see him I hate waiting to see him I wish there was a way to have him here now for good!

mood: worriedworried
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~I Don't Understand~  
09:24pm 11/11/2012
So Unreal apparently your brother can word shit in a rude way to me and when my sister n law is a total bitch i stick up for you but u cant inbox him and say plz dont do that she hasn't done a thing to you? Seriously I haven't done anything to anyone I am who i am,Shit i been hurt a lot too and I don't hate every tom dick and harry,Not mad just don't understand that's all i guess he can say whatever he wants to me that's just awesome,Apparently im a rebound hahahaha THAT'S FUCKING AMAZING and great to know i just love being thought of in that way,He is so lucky i love him or i would go clear the fuck off on his brother he is a douche who doesn't know me but i dont want any drama so im keeping my mouth shut,and now yes i am pissed the fuck off...............

mood: confusedconfused
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*Sara's World*  
07:18pm 11/11/2012
Life has been a lil hectic lately however,It Is getting better,I want to take the time and say keep my cousin in your prayers and thoughts also That Adam and I are going strong 3 months I adore him and I am glad we met,I fall deeper in love with him every time i see him talk to him etc,He truly is the man I am going to marry he has been there for me through thick and thin and he is just an all around amazing man. I Can't believe i found the best man for me finally Can't wait until he is finally here with me and we start a family together,I love him so much and He is everything i have always wanted and more,He's my everything my soul mate my other half for sure. Hopefully things will get better and not worse,Still struggling with this bullshit with the EX and I want it over and done with,From what the psychic said Adam and I are going to have a place of our own within two years and Have a baby on the way or already have a child,I want nothing more then to spend my FOREVER with Adam! I Love my Solorockr he's freaking amazing,He is honestly what helps keep me together.
mood: chipperchipper
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*Updates on My Life*  
08:33pm 25/10/2012
My life is going pretty good i found a wonderful man who i love named Adam i have a good job wonderful friends and family etc I am trying to get this restraining order taken care for my crazy ass ex bf. I can't wait till he is out of my life for good i have moved on to bigger and better things that have helped me heal and helped me as a person Adam has done so much for me. There are a few things that bother me though he lives far right now i don't get to see him that often,also this chick that he was dating and whom is jealous of him and i being together i asked him to delete her and he still hasn't i think he is holding onto her for some odd reason its starting to really bother me and I have told him about it but idk...I'm thinking maybe he still has feelings for her or something! Idk anyway maybe i worry to much but i have been hurt a lot so it's totally understandable. I personally don't need no other man in my life except him besides family of coarse..Friend's like that are the reason i do not trust females at all anyway gonna go just thoughts for the night oh and i should finally be getting my bobble head soon yay bout damn time. I go see him again next week can't wait till we can be together forever

mood: sleepysleepy
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Single Again  
06:40pm 10/09/2012
Apparently Love is just a Word every guy throws around but you know what I refuse to deal with it any longer I thought i found the one for me and what does he do break it off with me because i have trust issues and jealously issues if he really in truley cared about me he would not of Broke it off he would of worked it out with me but that just goes to show how much he really cared about me ever So my doubts were right as always i just kick myself in the ass for letting myself fall for anyone again i was so upset at work today i had to sit down. I am very angry as of now i was crying and sad now im angry which leads to me getting even and i hate that side of me you tell me im ur everything and everything i want to hear and then you break it off with me HONESTLY that is the same shit every other guy in my damn life has ever done to me and giving up on me so quickly wow that was FAST fast as all hell it proves my doubts and confirms my suspsions. I am no longer going to give a fuck i am treating guys the way the treat me from now on i dnt care because love is something i will never have and keep so i give up and as for my bday with the fam on wednesday and then sat DRUNK AS ALL Get out i dont work for four days so i dont really care.

mood: angryangry
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~For My One and only Adam~  
09:20pm 09/09/2012
All I can think about is you and worry so much about you and your well being because i love you so much I know you told me not to worry but I can't help it I love you So very much too sweetheart if you only knew and realized how much i adore you and Wanna be with you then and only then would you understand how worried i am. I have tried my hardest not to jump to conclusions about anything and i think i have succeeded today I just wish i was in your arms right now so that i knew you were okay. Also I just wish that you would talk to me I want to be the one you turn to and can open up to about anything and i will help you through EVERYTHING. I miss our talks I really do it makes our talks and your laugh and everything it really is going to make me cry and i dont want to cry unless its happy tears i focus so much on not loosing you i don't realize i make things worse sometimes and I dont like that about myself. I wanna be with you for the rest of my life. I have never felt the way you make me feel about ANYONE else in my LIFE!!!! All i ask for is honesty faithfulness and that you talk to me open up let me help you in anyway that i can I want to help you and CONQUER THE WORLD WITH YOU!!!!! I hope that our relationship gets stronger and healthier then ever and when i come see you and im in your arms i will know for sure it's real I know it's real now I just really want US to be there for each other I wanna spend my life with you I want to talk to you about everything I want to raise your son with you and have a baby girl or boy for his brother or sister!! I wanna be your wife i just want to be your EVERYTHING FOREVER you have conquered and made me feel like no other man EVER has. I just still have a  lot of issues in my head and mind that i need to work on and deal with and i will but with your help i want you to help me and i want to help you. I want to Have your last name someday I want to enjoy summers winters vacations with you. I want to meet your family and friend's I want you to meet my family and friend's. I love you Adam I love your hair your voice your tattoos your guitar your laugh the way you make me smile your goofyness just everything You are my everything. The only thing that serperate us is the distance and my issues but nothing and i mean nothing will ever seperate my heart from being yours and loving you the way I do! I love everything we have talked about I take everything we say and do serious because I am so in love with you. You taught me how to love again i know you can teach me to let go and free my heart so that I know and realize your not going anywhere and that your all mine. I love you so much baby I really do I can't stress that enough how much I love you! That's why i worry so much about being hurt and i know i shouldn't But I do. I am going to find ways of coping. It has been super hard between last night and today not talking to you much like we normally do but i have coped with it i just hope that we will start talking and things will get back to normal soon Love you very much my love plz always have sweet dreams of me and us and i will be here when your dreams arent so sweet to help you thorough every single thing that i can. I love you so much can't wait to hug you and kiss your lips and hold your hard and be close to you it's going to be the best feeling in the world.

~SoloRockr's Girl 4-life~

I Love You My Darling *Sara and Adam* Adam and Sara* It just goes together!
mood: worriedworried
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I Met My Soul Mate  
08:29pm 09/09/2012
I believe that i have met my soul-mate. The only thing that is standing in our way besides the distance is my insecrities and my jealousy issues. I do not want to loose him i need to find ways to cope with these issues so that i do not loose him forever i do not want to loose him i am going to see him on the 15th and I can't wait. He has been down all day and has had a bad day and i haven't really gotten to talk to him and it worries me and bothers me because im afraid he is slowly slipping away and I do not want the best thing that has EVER happened to me to slip away. I hope things go back to normal and that we talk all the time laugh and have fun like we always did. I am praying for us and him and me and just everything he is honestly the guy that has made me more happy then words can even express. I love you adam I want you to know im always here for you and no matter what issue u have we have we can conquer them together because that's what true love is all about.

mood: worriedworried
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10:15pm 26/03/2012
I believe im falling in love with you. But i also believe i am setting myself up for a heart break. but then again everytime I fall in love i get hurt so it don't really matter! I just hope this time I can make it work because I'm sick of being hurt and I just want to be loved by you and only you. It sucks like every time without fail I GET HURT!!!! I worry a lot and freak out about stuff. But I'm guessing I deserve to be hurt and sad and crying because that's all that ever happens.I Don't get it I am so emotional as of lately and IT SUCKS!!!!!!!! Then it happens to make things worse My ex calls yeah GO FIGURE the one i will always love that is a total jerk. I'm sitting here about to cry again. It seems Like I feel incomplete like something is missing and IDK how to deal with it Freaking seriously can i not just for once have the one true love that i want and deserve without feeling hurt upset sad and helpess>? Guess Not!!! Ive tried that nonchalant attitude but it only works for so long with me Idk what to do anymore I love HIM I DO!!!! wtf i do haha the new guy i love. I just bet I'm going to get let down. Well what else is New!!!! ktbspa
mood: lonelylonely
music: backstreet boys show me the meaning of being lonely
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